Why EQ in Leadership Isn’t About Staying Calm

When You Feel Anything But Emotionally Intelligent

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I saw a striking post on LinkedIn by Eric Partaker the other day. Eight puzzle pieces, each with a polished trait of emotionally intelligent leaders: self-aware, empathetic, composed, adaptable. It looked like the kind of thing you’d want to print out and hang next to your desk.

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But here’s what actually happened—I winced.

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Because lately, I haven’t exactly felt like a shining example of EQ. I’ve been short on patience. I’ve been running on fumes. I’ve said things in meetings I wish I’d paused before blurting. And instead of feeling inspired by that post, I felt like it was holding up a mirror—and I wasn’t loving the reflection.

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Emotional Intelligence Isn’t a Vibe

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We tend to associate emotional intelligence with serenity. Like the best leaders, they are always grounded, always gracious, always three steps ahead emotionally. But that’s not real life.

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In real life, EQ isn’t about having a Zen soundtrack playing behind you. It’s about knowing what’s going on inside you and choosing how to respond. It’s not about never getting rattled. It’s about noticing when you did—and deciding what you’re going to do next.

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EQ isn’t the absence of frustration. It’s the presence of curiosity. Asking yourself, what’s really going on here? and being brave enough to answer with something deeper than “I’m just tired.”

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Composure Is a Tool, Not a Trophy

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Let’s stop pretending that composure is the goal. It’s a tool. Clarity is the actual win.

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There are moments when your team doesn’t need your best poker face. They need your honesty. They need someone to name what’s happening in the room, admit when they’ve misstepped, and steer things back on track with some grounded humility.

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That’s emotional intelligence. Not the glossy, pulled-together version. The gritty kind that earns respect, not just likes on a quote card.

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I’ve snapped mid-meeting—not because of what someone said but because I hadn’t given myself a second to breathe all day. Emotional margin? Gone. And I slipped into that old voice: You’re too much. Too reactive. Not fit for this role.

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But I’ve had to unlearn that story. That moment doesn’t cancel out my ability to lead. What I do afterward—the apology, the self-check, the realignment—that’s the part that proves I’m still in the game.

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Leadership Gets Messy, Stay In It Anyway

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There’s a version of EQ we put on posters. And then there’s the kind that grows when you’re juggling people, problems, and pressure—with a tired heart and a full calendar.

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If you’ve read those lists and thought, “Wow. I didn’t hit a single one of these this week,” you’re not broken. You’re probably just tired. And trying. Which means you care. And that counts more than you think.

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The most emotionally intelligent leaders I know aren’t flawless—they’re present. They own their slip-ups. They regroup. They keep choosing intention over ego.

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That’s the version of leadership we practice here at StringCan. One where being human isn’t a liability—it’s the starting point.

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At StringCan, we believe strong leadership doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from showing up real, learning in motion, and choosing clarity over control. If that sounds like how you want to lead your brand, your team, or your strategy—we’re ready to help. Let’s get to work.

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